Being a stepparent can feel like trying to join a club you were never invited to—trust isn’t handed out freely, and earning your place takes persistence and care.
Knowing this, one woman on Reddit has made every effort to connect with her husband’s adult children. Thoughtful gifts, special occasions, remembering the little things—you name it. But the heartfelt gestures have been met with silence.
Now, she’s asking the internet if it’s time to stop giving to those who never give back.
RELATED:The woman has been picking out thoughtful gifts for her stepchildren for years, but she’s rarely gotten a genuine thank you
Now, she’s asking the internet if it’s time to stop giving to those who never give back
Expert advice
Courtney Morgan, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and founder of Counseling Unconditionally, shared her expertise with We to explain why it can be so difficult for stepparents to build strong relationships with adult stepchildren.
“It can be challenging for adult children and stepparents to build a close connection for a variety of reasons,” Morgan told us. “One barrier that often exists between adult children and stepparents is protectiveness over the other biological parent. This loyalty towards the other parent creates unintentional distance and hesitancy to fully embrace the stepparent.”
This hesitancy can be amplified by the discomfort that often comes with change. “Change of any sort is hard for most people, and the introduction of a stepparent can cause a massive shift in family dynamics,” she explained. “Adult children may struggle with holding onto the family unit they grew up with and adapting to their new circumstances.”
For the woman involved in this story, Morgan suggested having an open and honest conversation with her stepchildren. “I always encourage people to lead with their emotions and experiences rather than what the other person did,” she noted.
To raise the topic gently, Morgan recommended saying: “I really want to feel closer with you. In the past, I tried to connect by gift-giving, and it felt like that didn’t resonate with you. I’d love to spend time together to build our relationship.”
If anything, cutting back on gift-giving and focusing on shared moments might be more meaningful. “I’d advise the woman to reconsider her approach in creating closeness, because some people do not value gifts as much as others, and her stepchildren may prefer alternative ways to connect, such as spending time together or checking in more often,” Morgan said.
Readers agreed her reaction was completely justified and urged her to explain her feelings more clearly to her stepkids
Some, however, thought she could have approached the situation differently
